Do You And Your Partner Feel Lost In Your Relationship?

couple in conflictAre you struggling to connect with your partner and longing for the connection you used to have? Does it seem that the joy you once felt together has faded, and now even a simple conversation feels hard? Perhaps you and your partner have been together for a long time, and you long for a renewed spark and more excitement. Maybe you even find yourself daydreaming about what your relationship could be, or of a new and more exciting one.

Maybe you and your partner have been arguing more, but there’s never hope for a resolution. Instead, conflict might blow up or get swept under the rug. Do you notice a quiet hostility between the two of you, coupled with a struggle to communicate and compromise? Perhaps you’re afraid of losing your partner, so you both avoid the very obvious—or not so obvious—relationship problems you’ve been having.

Perhaps the once thrilling sexual connection between you and your partner has become less stimulating or even boring. You might also feel emotionally distant from your partner. Do you feel like you’ve lost your desire to have sex with your partner because of the lack of intimacy? Do you long for closeness, but just don’t know how to get it? Do you wish you could open up to your partner, but fear they’ll reject you or not understand you?

Regardless of why you and your partner are struggling, do you wish you could just have the relationship you once knew and loved?

Every Couple Struggles At Some Point In The Relationship

couple at lake dock with dog-miIt’s no secret that relationships are hard, but sometimes they can seem impossible! Feeling lonely in a relationship is common, especially when you feel like you can no longer connect or even talk to the other person.

At the beginning of your relationship, you likely experienced the classic honeymoon phase—you thought about your partner all the time, and you wanted to spend every possible free moment together. Because things were going so well, you might have started making commitments early in the relationship, from moving in together to getting married.

During that first romantic stage, you may have felt that you would do anything for your partner. Now, however, the honeymoon might be fading, and you find that you want somewhat separate lives, which scares you.

In reality, you need to have some separation from your partner, and it’s normal to want your space sometimes. Like so many others, you might feel that your partner will abandon you if you ask for some independence.

Another common reason why couples need relationship help is that both partners can’t communicate through conflict. Addressing a conflict might make you uncomfortable, and you might worry that it’s not “normal” or “good” to feel uncomfortable. In actuality, letting yourself feel uncomfortable is an important step towards growth as a person and a partner. Because relationships are hard—and because you and your partner are two different people—disagreements or difficult discussions are bound to come up. Where most people struggle is finding the right communication tools to move past big conflicts.

Luckily, relationship therapy can help you and your partner move past your fears, express your desires and begin growing together.

Couples Counseling Can Help You Rekindle Your Relationship

couple sitting on dockIn my practice, I help couples address their relationship problems and discover new ways to communicate, connect and tackle conflict whenever it arises. When you come to your sessions, I try to offer a warm, supportive environment where you can be your bravest self—it’s difficult to be vulnerable, especially in front of your partner, so my priority is to give you a space where you both can open up in new, productive ways.

In your couples therapy sessions, I will help you and your partner develop the emotional muscle needed to really hear each other. Additionally, I will teach you both how to negotiate your feelings and welcome the idea of being uncomfortable. You will discover that compromise is a triumph—not a loss. When you prioritize your partner’s feelings, they will learn to prioritize yours, which is a win for both of you. Once you and your partner learn how to effectively compromise, you can start living on the same page again without fear of judgment or failure.

Many couples struggle with going in circles around certain issues, never truly reaching a resolution. As I learn about the history of your relationship and understand the root causes of your major conflicts, I can begin to tweak the system a little at a time. That is, I can provide tools that will help prevent the spiraling so that you and your partner can finally get through conflict and find peace.

I’ve been working with couples for over ten years, and I have seen major successes in all types of relationships. By uncovering patterns and each person’s role in those patterns, I can help you reconnect and rekindle the love you once shared. You might feel hopeless or scared, but sometimes even small changes lead to large results! I believe that if everyone puts in their part, there is hope for your relationship to grow even stronger—and with a good sense of humor and curiosity, vulnerability and intimacy won’t feel so scary any more.

You May Have Some Questions Or Concerns Regarding Couples Therapy…

Our relationship isn’t that bad, we probably just need to make time for more date nights…isn’t counseling for couples who fight all the time?

Date nights are fantastic—they are important in a relationship and great for getting that frequent quality time together. If you can go out on a date, leave your phones in your pocket and really be with each other, then absolutely do it.

But if you’re on that date and feel disconnected and stuck in forced conversation, or if you simply can’t communicate your true self with your partner, then you might get more out of a therapy session than a dinner out.

I’m uncomfortable with the idea of being exposed in front of my partner…

It can be unbelievably terrifying to go to therapy and be vulnerable enough to share uncomfortable, buried feelings in front of your partner. In my sessions, I try to make the room a place where you can be as brave as possible—where you feel supported and confident enough to say the things you’ve been keeping from your partner. If you’re afraid that your partner may get angry or judge you, that’s what I’m here for—to help each of you have the courage to say what needs to be said, and to hear what needs to be heard.

As a trained couples and relationship therapist, I can help both of you see and feel seen in deliberate, compassionate ways. And remember, most of the time, the things we’ve been afraid to open up about to our partners are not as bad as we think. When we keep things inside, hills become mountains—they become larger than life and carry more weight than they need to. With help, you and your partner can get over whatever hill stands in your way.

I want to go to therapy, but my partner does not. What do I do?

A lot of the times, one partner wants to try partner counseling and the other does not. The best way to approach this situation is to make sure your partner knows why they are worth going to therapy for. Tell your partner that you want to learn to be a better partner for them. Tell them that they don’t have to even say a word if they don’t want to; instead, they can just listen. Or, better yet, they can do the talking and you’ll listen to them! All relationships take two people to make them work. If you’re putting in your half (or more), your partner might feel inspired to do the same.

Couples Therapy Can Help You And Your Partner Reconnect

I want to help you and your partner move forward in your relationship and give you both the confidence needed to tackle conflicts and life changes together. If you’re curious if we’d be a good fit, contact me for a free 20-minute phone consultation at 9178730506  My practice is located in Brooklyn.

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